Marriage For Men (Part 1): How Good or Bad Can It Get?

Most men never stop to ask the question: How good—or how bad—can marriage really get? In Part 1 of the Marriage For Men series on The Impossible Life Podcast, Garrett Unclebach and Nick Surface challenge men to raise their standards, take full ownership, and get a vision for what’s possible in marriage.

Whether you’re preparing for marriage, fighting for one, or leading in a strong one, this article is your first step to becoming the husband God has called you to be.

The Marriage Reality Check: You Reap What You Sow

Marriage is the most refining relationship in your life—and it reveals everything. You won’t stumble into a great marriage by accident. The same way you won’t accidentally drift into divorce. You get there by choices, habits, and mindset.

“Marriage is a mirror. It exposes who you are and magnifies what you believe.”
—Garrett Unclebach

The honest truth? You’re either building a future or drifting toward a fracture. And that outcome rests largely on one thing—you.

What’s Possible in Marriage?

Garrett and Nick open the conversation by exploring both extremes—just how amazing or painful marriage can become.

• On one end: joy, unity, intimacy, shared mission, generational impact

• On the other: resentment, distance, dysfunction, broken legacy

“Your marriage can be heaven or hell on earth. You decide what you're building.”
—Nick Surface

It all starts with the question: What kind of marriage do you want?

The Vision Determines the Direction

Most men walk into marriage without vision. And as Proverbs 29:18 reminds us, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

Vision brings:
✅ Purpose
✅ Direction
✅ Urgency
✅ Clarity in decision-making

“Without a vision, you’ll default to survival. With a vision, you build legacy.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Action Step: Write down your vision for your marriage. Who do you want to become as a husband? What kind of culture do you want to create?

Truth Before Tools

The world gives you tactics—how to communicate better, how to be more romantic, how to manage conflict. But Garrett and Nick point out that tools only work when they’re built on truth.

“Marriage isn’t about technique—it’s about identity and responsibility.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Before you learn how to lead your marriage, you need to confront what you believe about it.

Ask yourself:

• Do I see myself as a leader?

• Do I believe I can influence the atmosphere of my home?

• Am I willing to take full ownership—no matter what?

Pain and Responsibility Go Together

Every man wants the reward of a great marriage. Few are willing to embrace the pain required to build one.

“The pain is going to come either way. You get to choose if it’s the pain of growth or the pain of regret.”
—Nick Surface

Taking responsibility in marriage means:

• Owning your role without blaming your wife

• Pursuing truth over emotion

• Leading in love, not reacting in frustration

Action Step: Choose one area where you’ve been passive. Confess it. Take the lead to change it this week.

It Starts With You

The central message of this episode is simple but powerful: You are the key to the marriage you want.

Your wife isn’t the lid. Your past isn’t the problem. Your circumstances aren’t the obstacle.

“Your marriage will rise or fall based on how well you lead yourself first.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Practical Action Plan

✅ Cast Vision – Get clear on what kind of marriage you want to build.
✅ Take Ownership – Stop blaming, start leading.
✅ Pursue Truth – Align your mindset with God’s design for marriage.
✅ Embrace the Work – Choose discipline, humility, and consistency.
✅ Pray for Wisdom – Ask God to make you the husband your wife needs.

Final Thought: It’s Your Job to Lead

You were designed to lead your marriage—not control it, not dominate it, but lead with vision, love, and strength.

This is Part 1 of a 3-part series for men who are ready to stop coasting and start building. The future of your family, your legacy, and your impact starts with how you show up at home.

“If you win at everything else but lose in your marriage—you’re still losing.”
—Garrett Unclebach

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