Marriage For Men (Part 3): What Wives Wish Men Knew About Leadership, Legacy & Love

What makes a man followable in marriage? How does a woman view leadership, conflict, and legacy inside the home? In Part 3 of the Marriage For Men series, Garrett and Nick bring on their wives, Lindsey Unclebach and Rhian Surface, for a raw and insightful conversation about what marriage looks like from their perspective.

This isn’t theory. This is real wisdom from two women who are walking it out—with husbands who are committed to growth, vision, and godly leadership.

What Wives Are Really Looking For

You don’t need to be perfect—but you do need to be real, consistent, and intentional.

“Your wife doesn’t need you to be flawless—she needs you to be honest and lead from the front.”
—Lindsey Unclebach

Leadership in marriage isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being followable—especially when life gets messy.

The 3 Marks of a Husband Worth Following

From this episode, three standout traits emerged that make a man trustworthy in the eyes of his wife:

1. Emotional Control

A man who can’t manage his emotions creates chaos. One of the biggest signals to your wife that she’s unsafe emotionally is explosive anger, mood swings, or passivity.

“If you can’t control your temper, I don’t feel safe following your lead.”
—Rhian Surface

Your wife doesn’t need you to be emotionless—but she needs you to be stable.

Action Step: Reflect on your last conflict. Did you escalate or regulate the emotional temperature? What needs to change?

2. Consistent Integrity

Small compromises erode big trust. Integrity is built daily through the unseen disciplines—how you manage your time, your tone, your words, and your eyes.

“The little things tell me everything about what’s going on in your heart.”
—Lindsey Unclebach

What you tolerate privately will eventually affect your marriage publicly.

Action Step: Identify one area where you’ve let your standards slide. Recommit and raise the bar.

3. Intentional Pursuit

Your wife still wants to be pursued. Not just physically—but emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

“When you stop pursuing me, I feel like I’m managing the relationship alone.”
—Rhian Surface

Pursuit doesn’t have to be extravagant—it just has to be intentional and consistent.

Action Step: Plan one moment of intentional pursuit this week. A question. A date. A prayer. A handwritten note. Just show up.

Marriage Isn’t Automatic—It’s Administrated

Lindsey and Rhian also pull back the curtain on how their families run their homes like they run businesses—with structure, communication, and systems.

From family meetings to shared calendars to spoken core values, they show that strong marriages are built with purpose, not passivity.

“We talk about everything—there are no assumptions. That’s what keeps us connected.”
—Lindsey Unclebach

The “Secret Sauce” to Marriage

The women call it out clearly: the secret sauce is relational depth built through open communication.

What gets unsaid gets assumed. What gets assumed usually gets twisted. And over time, that builds resentment.

“The quality of your marriage is directly tied to the quality of your communication.”
—Rhian Surface

Action Step: Start a weekly check-in with your wife. Keep it simple:

• What’s going well?

• What feels off?

• How can I lead or love you better this week?

Legacy Isn’t Just Future—It’s Now

Both wives share how seriously they take the idea of building a family legacy—and how it starts now, in the little choices, the repeated words, the way conflict is handled, and the values their kids watch lived out.

“Our family mission isn’t just something on paper—it’s how we make decisions.”
—Lindsey Unclebach

Practical Action Plan: Lead the Way Your Wife Wants to Follow

✅ Control Your Emotions – Stop reacting. Start responding. Be the calm in the storm.
✅ Raise Your Standards – Lead with integrity in private and public.
✅ Pursue Her Again – Don’t let familiarity become neglect. Keep showing up.
✅ Communicate Openly – Create space for honest, regular conversations.
✅ Build the Legacy Now – Define your family mission, values, and weekly rhythms.

Final Thought: Great Husbands Don’t Just Provide—They Lead

The biggest takeaway from this episode is simple: your wife wants to follow you—if you’ll lead with strength, humility, and consistency.

“The man who leads himself well becomes the man his wife wants to follow.”
—Garrett Unclebach

This wraps up the Marriage For Men series—but your work is just beginning. Keep growing. Keep pursuing. Keep leading from the front.

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