How to Stop Losing Your Temper: Powerful Tools & Tactics for Lasting Self-Control

Anger—everyone experiences it, but not everyone knows how to control it. In Episode 191 of The Impossible Life Podcast, hosts Nick Surface and former Navy SEAL Garrett Unclebach dive into powerful, practical strategies to master anger and reclaim your self-control.

If you've ever struggled with anger, found yourself regretting words spoken in frustration, or wished you could remain calm under pressure, this guide is exactly what you need.

Let’s get right into it.

Why Anger Is So Dangerous (and So Common)

Anger seems normal because it’s everywhere. Yet, it remains one of the most destructive emotions when left unchecked. Consider the first recorded act of anger in the Bible—Cain killing Abel. Anger often leads to regrettable, destructive outcomes.

As Garrett points out clearly:

“Some of the worst things you’ll ever do in life happen when you’re angry.”

So why is anger so hard to control?

The Root of Anger: Entitlement vs. Injustice

Most people think anger arises from injustice—someone did you wrong. But Garrett frames it differently: anger comes from entitlement.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, your anger isn't truly about injustice. It’s rooted in the belief, "That was my space. They owed me respect." Your anger reveals entitlement: feeling that something is owed to you.

Nick explains it well:

“If you’re angry, ask yourself honestly, ‘Why do I feel entitled?’ Because anger almost always comes from believing someone owes you something.”

Reflection question:

• What do you feel entitled to that triggers your anger?

Anger Costs More Than You Realize

One reason anger is so common is because people don’t realize its true cost. Anger isn't just momentary frustration—it can cost you:

• Respect from family, friends, and colleagues.

• Your leadership credibility.

• Your self-control and emotional stability.

Garrett shares powerfully:

“Anger makes you predictable, weak, and easy to manipulate.”

Just like a bull charging aimlessly at a matador’s cape, anger can leave you vulnerable and controlled by others. Every time you give in to anger, you trade your respect, trust, and leadership for temporary emotional release.

Practical Tools for Stopping Anger

Controlling anger isn't just a nice idea—it's a skill anyone can master. Here’s how:

Step 1: Develop a Powerful Vision

If you want to stop losing your temper, you need a vision bigger than your anger. Garrett calls this “purpose compression”: zooming out to see the bigger picture of who you want to become.

• Ask Yourself:
  “What kind of person do I truly want to be?”

• Clearly define:
  Write down your vision. What qualities do you aspire to? Garrett describes his ideal self as disciplined, calm, and self-controlled. When tempted by anger, he asks himself, “Do I want to be angry, or do I want to fulfill my potential?”

Step 2: Count the Cost of Anger Clearly

Understand the true price of your temper. Each angry outburst is a withdrawal from your respect and leadership account. Garrett emphasizes:

“Ask yourself, ‘Is losing my temper worth losing everything I’ve built?’”

Make the cost clear to yourself—then choose wisely.

Step 3: Practice Discipline in the Moment

You will experience anger. The key is your response. Psalm 4:4 says clearly:

“Be angry, and do not sin. Ponder in your own hearts, on your beds, and be silent.”

Garrett suggests the discipline of a short pause. He shared how his father modeled this perfectly, always stepping away briefly before responding to anger.

• Take a deep breath.

• Zoom out and ask yourself:
  “What matters more right now—my anger or my long-term vision?”

Real-Life Application: Garrett's Powerful Example

Garrett recalls a specific time during weapons training when anger arose. Rather than losing his temper, he recognized what mattered most was teaching a powerful lesson to his group—not reacting emotionally.

He zoomed out, controlled his emotions, and stayed focused on his purpose. Garrett’s calm response prevented unnecessary conflict, preserved his leadership, and strengthened his respect among peers.

You can do the same.

What About "Righteous Anger"?

The inevitable question arises: “Shouldn’t we get angry at evil and injustice?” While some anger can alert you to wrongdoing, most of us aren’t yet mature enough to handle anger righteously.

Garrett clarifies:

“If you can't shut down anger, you're probably not ready for ‘righteous’ anger.”

Focus first on mastering self-control in everyday situations. Only then can you handle more intense situations with genuine maturity and wisdom.

Recap: Your 3-Step Plan to Stop Losing Your Temper

To summarize, here’s your clear path forward:

1. Develop a Vision: Clarify who you aspire to become, and make it more powerful than your anger.

2. Count the Cost Clearly: Realize clearly what anger is costing you—respect, leadership, and influence.

3. Practice Discipline: Train yourself to pause, breathe, and respond with intention rather than reaction.

Final Thought: Freedom from Anger Is Possible

Anger doesn't have to control your life. By following these steps, you can live with powerful self-control, deepened respect, and lasting influence.

Ready to master your emotions and live with greater self-control?

✅ Subscribe to our free weekly email: Mission Ready Mindset for ongoing mindset strategies. ✅ Follow us on Instagram @theimpossiblelife. ✅ Listen to and subscribe to The Impossible Life Podcast for more practical tools and powerful insights.

Stop losing your temper—start winning at life.