How to Overcome Lust: A Biblical, Practical Guide for Married Men

Lust is one of the most destructive, isolating, and misunderstood struggles a man can face—especially within marriage. In Episode 193 of The Impossible Life Podcast, Garrett Unclebach and Nick Surface confront this issue head-on, offering a faith-based, battle-tested framework to overcome lust and walk in freedom.

If you’re a married man who’s been caught in the cycle of shame, secrecy, or struggle with lust, this episode is your invitation to rise up—and reclaim your role as a leader, husband, and man of God.

Lust Is a Battle Every Man Must Face

Garrett and Nick make it clear: this conversation isn’t about condemnation—it’s about freedom. Lust doesn’t make you abnormal. It makes you human. But ignoring it? That’s what keeps men stuck.

“You are not what you struggle with. But you do become what you tolerate.”
—Garrett Unclebach

You cannot win a war you won’t admit you’re in. And lust is a war. But it’s a war that can be won.

The Biblical View: Lust Destroys Intimacy, Identity, and Legacy

Lust is more than just a private issue—it’s a spiritual enemy designed to:

• Erode your marriage

• Warp your view of sex and intimacy

• Rob you of confidence and clarity

• Keep you isolated and ashamed

Jesus speaks directly to this in Matthew 5:28:

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

This isn’t just about behavior—it’s about the condition of your heart.

The 5 Steps to Overcome Lust (and Walk in Freedom)

Garrett and Nick lay out a clear, practical path to fight and overcome lust as a married man. These five steps are spiritual, emotional, and deeply practical.

1. Take Ownership and Tell the Truth

Freedom begins with honesty—with yourself, with God, and with your wife.

“As long as you hide it, it has power over you. When you bring it into the light, it loses its grip.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Action Step:
Confess the full truth. Not half-truths. Not filters. The whole story. Confession is the doorway to healing.

2. Get to the Root of the Problem

Lust isn’t just a sex problem—it’s often a symptom of deeper issues like:

• Emotional disconnection

• Boredom or stress

• Lack of intimacy or spiritual alignment

• A broken identity or false belief system

“Lust is often an escape. The question is: What are you trying to escape from?”
—Nick Surface

Action Step:
Ask yourself: What am I really looking for when I turn to lust? What void am I trying to fill?

3. Rebuild Intimacy with Your Wife

The enemy wants to keep you isolated—from your wife, your God, and your purpose. The antidote is intimacy and unity, starting in your marriage.

“Sex is not just physical—it’s spiritual. And the best sex happens inside of trust, connection, and truth.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Action Step:
Start rebuilding emotional connection and open dialogue with your wife. Apologize. Ask questions. Pray together. Pursue her with intention and grace.

4. Renew Your Mind Daily

You can’t just stop lust—you have to replace it. Freedom requires a rewiring of your mind through:

• Scripture

• Prayer

• Daily declarations

• New habits and thought patterns

“You overcome lust by living from your spirit—not your flesh.”
—Nick Surface

Action Step:
Memorize a verse like 2 Timothy 2:22:

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace…”

Start every day by declaring truth over your identity and actions.

5. Lead Yourself with Urgency and Vision

Lust grows in idle, passive men. Freedom comes to men who take responsibility for their growth, their thoughts, and their purpose.

“You won’t overcome lust with laziness. You need urgency. You need a vision for your life that’s bigger than your flesh.”
—Garrett Unclebach

Action Step:
Start building a disciplined life. Set goals. Challenge yourself physically and spiritually. Get around other men who live with integrity.

You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Disqualified.

One of the biggest lies lust tells men is, “If people knew what you were really struggling with, they wouldn’t respect you.”

That’s a lie.

“God doesn’t use perfect men—He uses repentant, committed ones.”
—Garrett Unclebach

You can be a man of integrity—even if your past doesn’t reflect it. You can rebuild trust. You can lead again. And it starts with a decision: to fight.

Practical Action Plan: Win the Battle Against Lust

✅ Confess the truth. To God. To yourself. To your wife.
✅ Identify the root. Don’t just treat symptoms—ask what’s underneath.
✅ Invest in your marriage. Rebuild intimacy through time, trust, and connection.
✅ Renew your mind. Scripture. Prayer. Declarations. Daily.
✅ Lead yourself boldly. Step into the man God created you to be—with urgency.

Final Thought: Freedom Is Possible

You weren’t created to live in shame or struggle. You were made to walk in freedom, integrity, and strength. Lust doesn’t define you—but your response to it will.

“You can win this battle. You were created to lead, love, and live with purpose—and you don’t have to fight alone.”
—Garrett Unclebach

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