Don’t Be Vulnerable With Your Wife – Mindset Level Up

What if everything you’ve been taught about vulnerability in marriage is wrong?

In Ep. 217 | Don’t Be Vulnerable With Your Wife – Mindset Level Up, Nick Surface and Garrett Unclebach confront one of the most popular and culturally accepted ideas in modern relationships: that men should always be vulnerable with their wives. But in this candid and conviction-filled conversation, they flip the script and offer a new framework for understanding masculinity, responsibility, and emotional stewardship in marriage.

“Vulnerability is a buzzword right now. But not all vulnerability is good. And not all vulnerability belongs in your marriage.” — Garrett Unclebach

This episode isn’t about suppressing your feelings or avoiding authenticity. It’s about leveling up your mindset to lead well—especially in the place that matters most: your home.

Reframing Vulnerability: Strength or Selfishness?

Nick and Garrett start by unpacking what most people mean when they talk about “being vulnerable.” In today’s world, vulnerability often looks like emotionally dumping on others, seeking comfort, or airing every internal struggle—without considering the weight it puts on those listening.

But biblical leadership requires something deeper: wisdom about who, when, and how you share your struggles.

Garrett explains that a husband’s job isn’t to unload on his wife—it’s to lead her. That doesn’t mean pretending to be perfect. It means owning your responsibility to carry weight and process your emotions with God first, not your spouse.

“I want to be a safe place for my wife, not the person she has to constantly carry emotionally.” — Garrett Unclebach

Nick echoes this by pointing out that true strength isn’t venting—it’s stewardship. Real men don’t make their wives their therapists. They lead themselves well so they can lead their marriages well.

The Problem With Unfiltered Honesty

One of the most challenging (and freeing) truths from this episode is that honesty without discretion is selfish.

Garrett shares how immature men often use honesty as a cover for irresponsibility. They say things like:

• “I’m just being real.”

• “I don’t want to hide anything.”

• “I need to get this off my chest.”

But in reality, they’re offloading a burden they haven’t wrestled through. They’re asking their wife to carry weight that God asked them to carry.

“If you haven’t taken your emotions to God, you have no business dropping them at your wife’s feet.” — Nick Surface

The takeaway? Don’t confuse emotional expression with spiritual maturity.
Process with God. Then speak with purpose.

Leadership Looks Like Self-Control

This episode draws a clear connection between biblical leadership and emotional discipline.

• A man who lacks self-control is vulnerable to everything.

• A man who walks in truth and grace is able to carry peace—no matter the pressure.

Garrett reminds listeners that leadership is about being a stabilizing presence. And that starts with controlling your thoughts, emotions, and words.

“If your wife looks at you and feels less safe, more anxious, or more confused after you talk—then your vulnerability isn’t helping. It’s hurting.” — Garrett Unclebach

It’s not about hiding. It’s about growing.
Because when you lead yourself well, your marriage flourishes.

What Real Vulnerability Looks Like

Nick and Garrett aren’t advocating for emotional suppression or cold detachment. In fact, they emphasize that real intimacy requires openness. But openness must be guided by wisdom, timing, and trust.

Here’s how they define healthy vulnerability:

• It’s God-centered, not self-centered.

• It serves the relationship, not just your relief.

• It builds trust, not confusion.

• It’s processed vertically (with God) before being shared horizontally (with your wife).

In other words, you still share your heart—but not in a way that crushes hers.

“Jesus was vulnerable—but He was never sloppy. He was always led by love and the Spirit, not by emotion.” — Nick Surface

The Higher Standard for Husbands

At its core, this episode is a call to a higher standard of emotional maturity and spiritual leadership.

The world says, “Let it out.”
But God says, “Come to Me.” (Matthew 11:28)

The world says, “Be real, no matter the cost.”
But God says, “Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)

Nick and Garrett challenge every husband to stop chasing validation through venting—and start embracing the responsibility of leadership.

Because your wife doesn’t need a fixer.
She doesn’t need a firehose of unfiltered emotion.
She needs a man who walks with God and brings peace into the home.

Final Thoughts: Be a Pillar, Not a Project

In the final moments of the episode, Garrett sums up the heart of the message:

“I want to be a man my wife can lean on—not one she has to carry.”

That’s what spiritual leadership looks like.
That’s what biblical manhood requires.

So if you want to grow as a husband, start here:

• Get with God before you get with your wife.

• Lead yourself before you try to lead others.

• Let your words be few—but full of life.

Because when your mindset levels up, your marriage levels up.