Ep. 225 | Why Your Wife Doesn't Respect You (And How to Change That)

In this powerful and unflinching episode of The Impossible Life Podcast, hosts Garrett Unclebach and Nick Surface address one of the most sensitive—and often misunderstood—topics in marriage: the loss of respect from your wife. If you’ve ever asked, “Why doesn’t my wife respect me?” this episode delivers a sobering truth: respect isn’t automatic—it’s earned, cultivated, and often lost long before you notice.

Rather than offering blame or quick fixes, Garrett and Nick dive into the root causes behind a lack of respect, and more importantly, show you how to lead your way back to the man your wife can follow wholeheartedly.

The Real Reason She Doesn’t Respect You

One of the most important takeaways in this conversation is that respect is a mirror—it reflects your strength, stability, and spiritual leadership. Many men think their wife “should” respect them simply because of their role. But as Garrett puts it plainly:

“Respect is not a right. It’s a response to being respectable.”

Men often wait for their wives to treat them like leaders before acting like one—but leadership has to come first. If your wife doesn’t respect you, it’s likely because she hasn’t seen strength, consistency, or conviction from you in a long time.

This episode is not about guilt—it’s about ownership.

The Passive Man Is a Disrespected Man

Garrett makes it clear that passivity is the silent killer of masculine influence in the home. A man who avoids conflict, delays decisions, or stays quiet on key issues is not being “peaceful”—he’s abdicating responsibility.

“A wife will naturally follow a man who leads spiritually and emotionally. But if she’s left to lead in his place, she may survive—but she won’t respect him.”

Nick explains that the root issue isn’t often what the man is doing, but what he’s failed to do—like:

• Set spiritual direction for the family

• Speak truth, even when it’s hard

• Take initiative without being told

• Pursue growth and excellence in every area

When men fail to lead, women are forced to fill the gap. That imbalance slowly erodes respect.

You Don’t Need Her to Respect You to Start Leading

A major theme in this episode is that you can’t wait for your wife to change. If you’ve lost her respect, you’re going to have to rebuild it—brick by brick.

And that starts with becoming a man who:

• Lives with integrity

• Speaks with clarity

• Pursues God daily

• Follows through on his word

Garrett and Nick are clear: You can’t fake strength. If you want her to follow you, you need to give her something worth following.

It’s Not About Domination—It’s About Direction

Biblical leadership in marriage isn’t about control—it’s about providing safety and direction. When a man is steady, decisive, and spiritually anchored, a woman feels secure enough to release control and follow.

“A man who leads well makes it easy for his wife to submit—not because she has to, but because she trusts him.” – The Impossible Life Podcast

This is leadership by example. You’re not telling her what to do—you’re showing her what’s possible.

Earning Back Her Respect

So what do you do if her respect is already gone?

Here’s the path the guys lay out:

1. Repent. Acknowledge where you’ve been weak or passive.

2. Reset. Reestablish yourself as the spiritual and emotional leader.

3. Rebuild. Be consistent, calm, and confident—day in and day out.

Garrett points out that rebuilding respect isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about faithfulness in the daily, unseen moments. Over time, trust grows. Respect returns. But only if you stay the course.

Final Thoughts: Lead First. Respect Follows.

This episode is a wake-up call for any man who’s lost his edge—or his wife’s respect. But more than that, it’s a call to reclaim your God-given role as a leader, protector, and provider.

Your wife was designed to respect you. But she’s waiting to see if you’re still the man she believed in when she married you.

As Garrett says, “You don’t need her to follow you for you to start leading. Start leading now.”