The Uncomfortable Reality of How to Handle Feedback for Personal Growth

"Growth is, man, you think you're doing well, and then you get kneecapped by something you never saw coming that literally drops you to your knees," Garrett explains. This isn't the inspirational poster version of personal development—it's the raw, uncomfortable process of becoming the man God designed you to be.

The problem isn't your technique. It's not that you need better strategies or more sophisticated approaches. Your weakness is much simpler and much harder to fix: it's your attitude toward feedback and your level of humility in receiving it.

Think about it. You can do the hardest workout of your life, go home, look in the mirror, and see exactly the same person staring back at you. That's growth in real life—repetitive, often invisible progress that requires faith in the process rather than immediate visual confirmation.

Your Identity Determines Your Response to Feedback

Before diving into how to handle feedback for personal growth, you need to understand this foundational truth: your identity is closely tied to how you deal with criticism and correction.

If your identity is based on your performance, on needing acceptance from others, or on what you possess, feedback will crush you. You'll dread those moments when someone says, "Hey, I think you could have done this better," because you'll hear it as an attack on who you are rather than information about how you can grow.

But when your identity is secure—when you're not worried about what feedback says about you—you actually want to hear where you're missing it. "It's almost disappointing if someone's like, 'You did everything right,' because you're like, 'Well, then that means that I can't get any better from what you're saying,'" Nick observes.

This is the mindset shift that separates men who grow from men who stay stuck: seeing feedback as fuel rather than failure.

The Three Types of People: Which One Are You?

In this episode of The Impossible Life Podcast, Garrett and Nick break down the three types of people when it comes to receiving feedback, drawn directly from the wisdom of Proverbs:

The Simpleton: Completely Unaware

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty" (Proverbs 22:3). The simpleton is the man walking through life with his head down, completely oblivious to the patterns around him. He doesn't even recognize feedback when it comes.

This is the guy on his fifth marriage wondering why he can't find a good woman. The man who's been "trying" to lose weight for years but can't understand why nothing works. The father whose kids have stopped being sad when he leaves because they're so used to his absence—and he just thinks, "Well, that's tough," without changing anything.

The Fool: Rebellious and Entitled

"Fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7). The fool sees the feedback, understands what needs to change, but actively refuses to listen. He's got it all figured out, doesn't want anyone's help, and believes everyone else is the problem.

The fool's heart is either lazy—unwilling to do the work required for growth—or has turned entitled and angry, blaming external circumstances rather than taking internal responsibility. "The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice" (Proverbs 12:15).

The Wise and Prudent: Humble and Correctable

"A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than 100 blows into a fool" (Proverbs 17:10). This is one of the most powerful verses in all of Scripture about personal development. A wise man can receive one piece of corrective feedback and completely change direction, while a fool can get repeatedly punched in the face and keep making the same mistakes.

The wise man understands that feedback—even when it hurts—is trying to help him bridge the gap between where he is and where he wants to be.

Recognizing Feedback in Real Life

Unlike performance reviews at work, life doesn't schedule feedback sessions. You have to learn to recognize the patterns. Here's how feedback shows up in the areas that matter most:

In Your Marriage

If your wife doesn't believe you'll do what you say—if she fights you on decisions or seems reluctant to follow your lead—that's feedback about your consistency and trustworthiness. "The only proper response is to have the right attitude to it, not to try and scorekeep or judge and say, 'Well, I should have at least 72% level of respect from you,'" Garrett explains.

With Your Children

Garrett shared a heartbreaking story about a man whose kids went from crying when he left for business trips to casually saying "okay, bye" without looking up. That shift from attachment to indifference was clear feedback about a deteriorating relationship—feedback the man recognized but chose to ignore.

In Your Health

This is where you can get the clearest, most objective feedback. Garrett strongly advocates for DEXA scans because "the best thing about a DEXA scan is you can't hide from it." Unlike the scale, which just tells you weight, a DEXA scan reveals your body fat percentage, muscle mass, and bone density—objective data that forces you to confront reality.

The Key Question: Should You Change Everything or Keep Going?

One of the most challenging aspects of how to handle feedback for personal growth is discernment: When does feedback call for wholesale changes, and when is it just part of the process?

Garrett's father gave him wisdom that applies here: "If the shoe fits, wear it." This requires brutal honesty with yourself. You need people in your life—mentors, close friends, accountability partners—who can help you work through feedback you're struggling to receive.

The key is humility combined with discernment. As Garrett learned during his Navy SEAL journey, not everyone giving you feedback has the fruit in their life that you want. "You should listen to people who have the fruit of what you want in your life." But you also need the humility to recognize that criticism might be coming from people who genuinely care about you, even if they don't understand your vision.

The Power of Community in Feedback

The closest thing to a DEXA scan for your character and leadership is quality relationships with other growth-minded men. In The Impossible Life Podcast community and their Giant Killers program, Garrett and Nick regularly see the power of men speaking truth into each other's lives with love and firmness.

"God has made it so that we're supposed to grow with other believers," Nick explains. "The quality of those relationships is really the quality of your scale." Great relationships give you feedback that's almost as reliable as objective data—they can tell you the truth in ways that help you grow rather than tear you down.

Practical Steps to Transform Your Feedback Game

1. Check Your Identity Foundation: Before you can properly receive feedback, ensure your sense of worth isn't tied to your performance or others' approval.

2. Seek Objective Measures: Find areas where you can get hard data about your progress—whether that's health metrics, financial numbers, or other measurable outcomes.

3. Build a Feedback Network: Surround yourself with people who have the fruit you want in your life and who care enough to tell you the truth.

4. Practice the Shoe Test: When you receive feedback, honestly ask yourself, "Does this fit?" Don't immediately defend or dismiss—actually try it on.

5. Adopt a Growth Posture: Start viewing feedback as information that helps you bridge the gap between where you are and where God is calling you to be.

The Long View of Growth

Real personal development isn't about avoiding the painful process—it's about learning to trust that God is using every piece of feedback, every moment of exposure, every humbling experience to conform you into the image of His Son.

"If you can have that perspective, if you can understand the need for humility, if you can keep that positive attitude and trust that God is developing you and that ultimately he's going to bring the purposes in your life, you can continue to grow," Garrett concludes.

The men who truly live impossible lives aren't those who avoid feedback—they're the ones who've learned to receive it with humility and the right attitude. They understand that growth isn't a pretty montage; it's a process of getting back up every time life knocks them down, using each piece of feedback as fuel for becoming the men God created them to be.

When you look back on your journey, you'll be thankful for the wounds that taught you. You'll be grateful for the people who cared enough to point out where you could get better. And you'll be the type of man others want to follow—not because you never failed, but because you learned how to fail forward with faith, humility, and an unshakeable commitment to growth.