Leading Your Marriage: How to Create a Thriving Relationship

Welcome to Part 2 of The Impossible Life Podcast Leadership Series! In Part 1, we laid a crucial foundation: leadership begins with you. Before you can effectively lead anyone else—your marriage, your family, your team—you must first lead yourself.

In this second installment, we’re diving deep into what it means to lead your marriage. Whether you’re newly married, celebrating decades, or preparing for the future, this one’s for you. Let’s talk about the mirror your marriage holds up to your life, the myths that sabotage marriages, and how embracing responsibility transforms your relationship.

Marriage: The Mirror That Reveals You

Marriage isn’t just a relationship—it's a mirror. You think you know who you are until you get married, and suddenly, you realize things about yourself that you never knew were there. Ever found yourself wondering:

• "Why is my spouse nagging me?"

• "Why don’t they respect me?"

• "Why doesn’t my marriage feel the way I hoped?"

Here’s the truth: marriage reveals you to yourself in ways nothing else can. It exposes your strengths and your weaknesses clearly. If you don't like what you see reflected in your spouse’s behavior, the first place to look is in the mirror.

Your Marriage, Your Responsibility

Let’s put it plainly: If your marriage is struggling, it’s 100% on you. That might sting—but that’s exactly the tough truth you need to hear. Your spouse is not your problem. You are.

Think about it: if your marriage isn't thriving, it's your responsibility to step up and change. This isn’t about blame—it’s about ownership. It’s about taking personal responsibility and being the catalyst for change.

Core Belief: "If It’s Going to Be, It’s Up to Me."

Every meaningful shift in your marriage starts with this powerful belief:

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.

Stop waiting for your spouse to change. Stop waiting for circumstances to magically improve. Instead, ask yourself the powerful question we champion on The Impossible Life Podcast:

"If I had to, what would it take?"

What would it take for you to transform your marriage into something extraordinary? The answer is always closer than you think—it starts with you.

Vision and Respect: The Essentials of a Strong Marriage

If you’re struggling in marriage, chances are you lack these two critical elements: vision and respect.

1. Vision: See Beyond the Ordinary

If your vision for marriage is simply "not getting divorced," you’re setting the bar way too low. If your vision is just "being happy," you're also missing it.

Great marriages have vision. They’re clear about where they’re going and who they’re becoming together. Start by finding a model marriage you admire. What makes that relationship stand out? Emulate it. Create a compelling vision for your marriage.

Action Step:

• Define the vision for your marriage. Write it down. Share it with your spouse.

Ephesians 5: Marriage According to God’s Standard

Men often love Ephesians 5:22-24:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands…”

But keep reading, men. Here's your standard—one of the highest imaginable:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Loving your wife like Christ loves the church means sacrificial love. It means doing whatever it takes. It means taking the initiative, serving relentlessly, and stewarding your marriage as a precious gift from God.

If you’re frustrated because your wife doesn’t respect you, ask yourself honestly: Are you giving her something to respect?

Stop Keeping Score and Start Serving

The default marriage mindset is often "50/50." It’s transactional. It keeps score. But real love isn’t about keeping track—it’s about giving everything you have, even if your partner doesn’t.

The 50/50 mindset says:

“I’ll do my part if you do yours.”

The leader’s mindset says:

“I’ll do whatever it takes to love and serve, regardless of your response.”

Action Step:

• Commit today: Serve your spouse without conditions. Stop keeping score, and start keeping commitments.

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Marriage

Years ago, host Nick Surface (co-host of The Impossible Life Podcast) experienced exactly this transformation. After years of dissatisfaction, Nick sought professional help, initially hoping the therapist would change his spouse. But what happened instead?

Nick changed himself—and then his marriage changed dramatically. The truth is, Nick’s wife hadn’t changed at all—he had. As Nick improved himself, his marriage flourished. Seventeen years later, his marriage is stronger than ever, thriving because he took ownership of the one thing he could truly control—himself.

Your marriage can transform too, but only when you accept personal responsibility. Change yourself, and you'll change your marriage.

The Thought Process That Fuels a Healthy Marriage

This brings us to the key thought from Luke 12:48:

"To whom much is given, much is required."

Think about this for a moment: your spouse is a gift given to you. You’re responsible for stewarding that gift—caring for, serving, and nurturing your spouse’s growth.

When challenges arise, shift your perspective from frustration to opportunity. If there’s an area of your marriage that's lacking, ask:

“What can I give to this marriage?”
“How can I be a better steward of what’s been given to me?”

Your actions, driven by this mindset, can transform your marriage into something extraordinary.

Practical Action: Start Serving Today

Men, here’s your challenge: For the next 7 days, do one intentional act of service for your spouse every day. It can be small:

• Plan a surprise date.

• Write an encouraging note.

• Help out around the house unexpectedly.

Don’t wait—start today. The simplest acts can spark powerful transformation.

The Benefit: God’s Math in Marriage

When you align your marriage around shared vision and mutual respect, something remarkable happens—synergy. It’s the “God math” where 1+1 equals 3. Your marriage becomes greater than the sum of its parts. You’ll experience deeper love, respect, connection, and fulfillment.

This is marriage the way God intended it—powerful, meaningful, and life-changing.

Next Up: Lead Your Family (Part 3)

Stay tuned for Part 3 of our Leadership Series, where we’ll explore how to lead your family in a powerful way that creates a lasting legacy.

If you haven’t yet, be sure to:

✅ Subscribe to the Mission Ready Mindset—the free weekly email to level-up your thinking in purpose, belief, and discipline.
✅ Follow us on Instagram: @theimpossiblelife
✅ And, as always, listen and subscribe to The Impossible Life Podcast for weekly insights on how to live a life others only dream about.

Final Thought: Your Marriage, Your Responsibility

Remember: if your marriage is going to be extraordinary, it’s up to you. Lead your marriage with courage, intentionality, and love. It will become one of your life's greatest legacies.

We’ll see you in Part 3—Lead Your Family.